For anybody that can use one.
This one's geared towards the depressed ones.
I put it together like a form letter, select what works best for you.

Generic Pep Talk V1.2

Dear [name].

I heard you were [a little down in the dumps/thrown to the shitter/feeling off-balanced/a professional sports team fan/other] and could use a little pick me up.
Let it be known. I feel ya. We've all been there before.
I mean [job layoff/foreclosure/bankruptcy/crazy exes/having no purpose in life/dealing with constant pain/loss of loved ones/addiction/being a Raiders fan/being rejected/other] is rough.
That's just the way life is sometimes.
But I'm not gonna be trite an' say things happen for a reason.
Even if they did, I'm tired of hearing that an' I'm sure you are.
To me, it's all about perspective.
There are great things in your life that you've probably lost sight off because of [job layoff/foreclosure/bankruptcy/crazy ex's/having no purpose in life/constant pain/loss of loved ones/addiction/being a Raiders fan/being rejected/other].
Which is a natural thing that should bring no shame.

Shoot!
At least you [haven't lost a limb in a horrific accident/got rid of both appendages cleanly/have other body parts intact]. Right?

Buck up!
Be a [man/woman]! Do the Right thing!
Support [vampire/werewolf/zombie/mummy] romance!
Go get 'em tiger!
They're grrrrrReat!
You can do it! We're (not)counting on you!
Do a barrel roll!
There's always cake.
Knowing is half the battle.
Only you can prevent forest fires.
My balls itch.
Double rainbow. So intense.
The cake is a lie.
This is Sparta!
Glory! Take it! It's yours!
Freeeedooooooom!!!
Are you not entertained?!
I am Spartacus.
*war cry*
*rooster call*
Saaanntaaaa!!!
There are FOUR lights!!!
There's light at the end of the tunnel.
I''ll leave a light on for you.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
The power is yours.
Hoo hah!
There can be only one.
You're not last.
Ni!
That'll do pig.
You're a mean one Mr. Grinch.
Just keep swimming.
Hakuna Matata.
I love lamp.
I know Kung Fu,
You're a God and I am not.
Friends forever. Friends until the end.
Scotty doesn't know.
Feel the rhythm. Feel the vibe. Get on up. It's bobsled time. Cool Runnings!
That's what she said.

Am I right?
Didn't even have to mention Candle Jack. Cuz we all know wha-